shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
