she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
