party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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