I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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