I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Shame - the story of my life.
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