If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize