Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
