Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
