Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
