Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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