Your dad touched me again.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
