I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
