Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
