quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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