allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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