i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
