Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
