Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
