At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
