Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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