I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
