The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
