i don't like sucking hair
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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