Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
