Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
