One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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