That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
