I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
