My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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