Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
