some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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