I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
