wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
