Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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