I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
