omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
