last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
