I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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