Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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