so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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