ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
