Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My cat gives me a boner
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize