so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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