every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
