New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
