Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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