I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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