I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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