Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
