I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
