Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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