She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
