I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize