you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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