I think my vagina is haunted
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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