On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
