my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
