Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize