well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
