Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
