If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
