just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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