ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize