I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
