CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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