Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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