Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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