Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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