do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
