I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize