in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
