Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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