Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
