It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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