Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize